So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
