I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
