I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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