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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
