so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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