Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
