i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
