Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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