I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
