Your tits are I can't wait for
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
send nudes
from the living room?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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