the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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