ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
