My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
