Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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