Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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