they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
