don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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