Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
