I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have fence marks all over my body
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
