White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
