Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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