If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
