ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
