god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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