Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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