Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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