Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
