My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
