He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
