you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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