I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
