I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
