so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
