11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
