Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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