How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my liver is dry heaving
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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