I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish there were birth control emojis
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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