my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
