I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
