I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
