They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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