i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
