just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
