I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
