I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
