just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
