Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
