We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
