I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
