i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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