Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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