Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
