his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Randomize
