did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
