Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
