You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
