ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
