you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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