I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
