I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
